For decades, abortion has been viewed primarily as a women's issue, so the focus of research has been primarily on the effects of abortion on women, with fewer studies considering the effects of abortion on men.
But research shows that in 95% of abortions, men are involved in the abortion decision1. So it is important to understand the ways in which men are being affected by abortion. Current research confirms that men are impacted by abortion, and that abortion also affects the relationships of couples.
In the book Changed, a man named Brad tells of his experience with abortion2.
Brad's girlfriend told him, "I'm going to get an abortion. I know how you feel about abortion, but I don't care. I'm having one no matter what you say or do."
Brad says, "I realized in an instant I was powerless. I didn't argue with her…I stayed calm and tried to support her decision." Secretly, he hoped he could change her mind through his compassion and through prayer, but she had the abortion. Now, years later, he says, "I often think back and wonder if there was something I could have done to help her…It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened. When I see little children, sometimes tears spring up in my eyes as I envision Trevor -- my son who never got a chance."
Examples of similar experiences are reported in the book Men and Abortion, by Dr. Catherine Coyle3. In one example, Bill says that after going to the doctor with his pregnant girlfriend, they talked with a priest. Bill says, "I will never forget his words, 'It's her decision - you have nothing to say about it - she has to live with that decision, not you.'"
The relationship ended about one month after the abortion. Now, years later, Bill says, "I wish every day of my life that it would not have happened."
Both Brad and Bill and many others describe experiences of being helpless and powerless, an experience that is rooted in societal expectations that this is a woman's decision, an expectation so strongly enforced in modern society that even a priest could tell Bill, "you have nothing to say about it."
Not surprisingly, several studies document experiences of helplessness and powerlessness among males after abortion, along with various other emotions 4, 5, 6, 7.
Dr. Coyle, in Men and Abortion, cites research indicating that only 11% of men opposed the abortion decision8, but points out that due to the large numbers of abortions that take place, that 11% represents millions of men. And she reports that these men experienced intense suffering because of the abortion. She says, "The men I have interviewed, who were opposed to their partners' decision to abort, were truly devastated. They found themselves absolutely powerless to protect their unborn children…Each of these men lost a relationship with a woman he loved, a child he desperately wanted to protect, and the hopes and dreams he held for the future."9
Just as Brad described suppressing his own feelings about the abortion and trying to support his partner, Gordon and Kilpatrick reported that men at an abortion clinic "did not express their feelings to their partners and instead felt the need to be a source of support by maintaining a strong front"10. Shostak and McLouth also reported on men repressing their own emotions as they attempted to provide emotional support for their partners11. In another study, 77% of men believed they could help their partner by controlling their own emotions12.
Dr. Coyle reported that men she interviewed "were confused about the role they were expected to play." These men believed they should support whatever decision the woman made and they attempted to do so.13 But Dr. Coyle points out that "by repressing their emotions" men may "prevent others from appreciating their suffering"14.
Because men often process pregnancy loss internally, not discussing their feelings, they may have greater difficulty in recovering from this loss15.
Dr. Arthur Shostak, Professor Emeritus at Drexel University, has spoken publicly and has written extensively about his own personal abortion experience in the early 1970's. His own experience prompted him to conduct research regarding men and abortion.
Regarding his own experience16, he says that his former girlfriend had phoned him about a month after they had ended their relationship. She told him that she intended to have an abortion, a decision he fully supported. At the same time, she insisted that Shostak promise that he would never, ever tell anyone about the abortion. He agreed, but he now believes this promise was a mistake. He also reports interviewing men about their abortions and seeing them cry with relief when telling him about the abortion - the first time they ever told anyone about the abortion. Although I have not seen data on this point, it may be that the woman's request for complete privacy concerning the abortion has been a factor in the silence of men.
As we said earlier, some research indicates that 11% of male partners opposed the abortion, but the majority did not oppose the abortion. In my own experience, a very high percentage of abortions occur because of pressure from the man or because the man withholds emotional support in regard to continuing the pregnancy. So, the finding that only 11% of men oppose the abortion is realistic, in my experience. But whether the man opposed or supported the abortion, studies show that many men experience significant distress that is often very long lasting.
One study of abortion during adolescence showed that abortion was associated with psychological distress in adult life17. In this study men whose partners had abortions had higher scores for psychological distress compared to men who became fathers. In regard to men who became fathers, the results were the same whether they married the mother of their child or whether they were single fathers. In either case, the men whose partners chose abortion had greater psychological distress compared to men who became fathers during adolescence. The sample size for this study was 2,522 males, 15.4% of whom had experience adolescent pregnancy.
A range of emotions has been repeatedly observed in multiple studies, including grief 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, guilt 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28 depression 29, 30 anxiety 31, 32, 33, 34, regret, 35, 36 and anger 37, 38. There are published reports of intense anger in men who disagree with the decision to abort 39, 40, and a 2010 study that included 198 men showed that lack of agreement on the abortion decision predicted abortion-related anger in men41. Dr. Coyle discusses that anger may be associated with the helplessness of not being able to protect one's child42.
There is published literature showing that some men may experience abortion as trauma and some men meet diagnostic criteria for posttraumatic stress disorder.
In order to develop posttraumatic stress disorder, the pre-condition for development is first of all to experience a situation in which you come very close to death yourself, or you experience the death of another person in a situation in which you experience intense fear or helplessness43. Experiencing the death of your child in a situation in which you are helpless to prevent it can meet the pre-condition for development of this disorder.
In one study of 1,000 men who accompanied their partners to the abortion clinic, one in four of the men considered the abortion to be participation in the death of their child44. In another study45, 21.3% of men who stayed with partners during the abortion believed it was a traumatizing experience.
And we have already discussed the experience of helplessness that has been described in the published literature.
Following the initial experience of trauma, the diagnosis of posttraumatic stress disorder requires symptoms of three types46. One type of symptom is "reexperiencing" or "intrusion" in which you may have recurrent, intrusive, distressing thoughts that remind you of the trauma, or you may have bad dreams or flashbacks of the trauma.
Dr. Coyle tells the story Ted, whose partner had two abortions47. Both times, he offered to support his partner and the baby, but abortion was chosen by the partner. He experienced profound helplessness. Because of persistent, negative thoughts about the abortion, he lost his job. Then he went to school but had to drop out; he could not concentrate due to the thoughts about the abortion.
In one study by Shostak, 44% reported dreams or thoughts about the "infant they might have fathered"48. In another study by Shostak 1,000 men were interviewed at the clinic the day of the abortion, and another 75 were interviewed at a much later time after the abortion49. Forty-seven percent of the men at the clinic and 63% of the men interviewed later said that men involved in abortion have disturbing thoughts about it afterwards.
Other types of symptoms required for the diagnosis of posttraumatic stress disorder include avoidance symptoms, such as avoidance of people or places that remind you of the trauma, and also hyperarousal symptoms such as anger, irritability, sleep disturbance, or concentration problems50.
As we saw in the example of Ted, some post-abortive men may have significant concentration problems, and anger and irritability have been identified by some authors. In addition, a single case study reported by Holmes reported sleep disturbance in a man six months after the abortion51.
More recently, a 2010 study52 examined 374 women and 198 men for specific symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder. In this study, 54.9% of the women and 43.4% of the men met DSM-IV diagnostic criteria for posttraumatic stress disorder.
For the men, lack of agreement between man and woman in regard to the abortion decision was predictive of intrusion symptoms, hyperarousal symptoms, meeting diagnostic criteria for posttraumatic stress disorder, and relationships. Additionally, for men, a perception of inadequate counseling predicted avoidance symptoms, intrusion symptoms and relationship problems.
This study controlled for numerous variables including prior mental health, and also for physical and sexual abuse in childhood and adulthood.
The study participants were self-selected, not randomly selected. The authors suggest that "this highly traumatized sample may represent those who drop out of other studies. In some studies, a very high dropout rate has led to the conclusion that those who do not participate in follow up may be the most stressed by the abortion. But in this study, because of the anonymity of the internet-based protocol, it may have been facilitated participation by those who were more severely affected by the abortion.
This study was not designed to prove that some specific percentage of men develop posttraumatic stress disorder after abortion. But it does demonstrate that some men do experience trauma related symptoms, and in clinical work with individual men, it may be necessary to evaluate for possible posttraumatic stress disorder in men who have been involved in an abortion depending on the types of symptoms they report.
In addition to the problems that men experience as an individual, recent research has shown that men and women experience relationship problems after abortion53.
In regard to the sexual relationship, studies indicate that there are sexual problems in both men and women after abortion and there are more problems in post-abortive couples than in the general population54. More of the published studies examine women's sexuality after abortion, without considering the men; studies of post-abortive women show loss of sexual desire, decreased enjoyment, and decreased frequency of sexual relations 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61. Even one year after the abortion, 5-20% of the women are still having problems62. Clearly, if women are having sexual problems including decreased frequency of sexual relations, this certainly impacts their husbands and would potentially cause problems in the marriage relationship. More limited research indicates that some men have problems of their own after abortion63.
In an interview with ZENIT International News Agency in 200764, Kevin Burke of Rachel's Vineyard Ministries said, "Tragically, a person will abort with the hope of salvaging their relationship, but the toxic after effects of abortion are like a radioactive seed planted in the heart of the relationship that will, at varying speeds, kill the relationship."
This statement is confirmed by several published studies 65, 66, 67, 68, 69 that show an increased risk for separation or divorce following an abortion.
Because of this serious risk to the marriage, it is essential that both men and women have access to treatment for abortion related problems, individually and as a couple.
An important feature of the Rachel's Vineyard weekend retreat program is that men are included. Single men who are no longer in a relationship with the mother of their child are welcome to participate on their own. Married men may come alone, for example when a man has been involved in an abortion with a previous partner. But frequently married men participate together with their wife, and this is frequently the best. In my own experience, I have had some men on most retreats that I have conducted, and the men have always experienced the retreat as helpful. Their presence with their wife has helped to heal the marriage, and the participation of men has been experienced as very helpful to the other women on the retreat. Although men may be more reluctant to disclose their feelings, they have the freedom to choose whether they wish to listen or to speak. They are free to choose their level of participation, and they do find the retreat exercises helpful.
In addition, the retreat concludes with a Memorial Service for the children who are now in the care of the Lord. Even if the man does not attend the entire weekend, his wife can include him in the Memorial Service if they both desire this, so that he also is provided with an opportunity to grieve this loss. By including men in the Memorial Service, Rachel's Vineyard provides an opportunity for the marriage to begin to heal, and the man can attend an entire weekend later if desired.
In conclusion, I encourage you in all efforts to provide opportunities for healing for men and women. We have talked about many problems after abortion, but through Rachel's Vineyard weekends, I have seen lives transformed. I hope you will have the opportunity to see this transformation through abortion recovery programs in your own country.
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