44. The Psychology and Psychopathology of Fertility
I. The Normal Situation
A. The normal development of love. A young couple become aware of their love; they decide to marry; they prepare themselves to receive the sacrament of matrimony.
B. After marriage they take up their sexual relations with joy and spontaneity.
C. The child is announced; the parents joyfully await his birth. A man who really loves his wife will accept without objection the periodic abstinence that may be necessary during the final weeks of pregnancy and in the immediate postpartum.
D. After the birth of the first child the situation changes. New parental tasks arise, and it is often difficult for the young mother to continue being a "wife"; she is inclined to be more a mother than a sexual partner. Her husband, on the other hand, must learn to be a father, although he prefers the role of husband. Fertility should now be brought under control, because the next child should come at a favorable time, a moment chosen by both spouses.
E. Regulation of conception. Parental responsibility now requires that they become acquainted with the biological methods and choose the right times for their sexual intercourse. The woman's fertile time becomes a time of abstinence, when intercourse is postponed. This way of living is sometimes difficult, but family planning by periodic abstinence, without use of artificial methods, is the only way worthy of man, especially of a Christian. In a dialogue of love, they decide how many children they can afford to take care of under their actual living conditions. They act in accordance with their own program, respecting the natural law (which is also God's law).
II. The Real Situation
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A. Some young people begin their genital life before marriage This situation may cause the neurotic reaction of fear of having a child and consequently the contraceptive mentality, with all its harmful implications and complications.
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B. If the woman becomes pregnant in spite of having used a contraceptive, three solutions are possible:
1. The best of the three is that they wake up to their responsibilities and decide to marry. They can go to confession and begin a new life under the sacramental bond of marriage. But difficulties may be carried over; after the child is born they may live in constant fear of a new conception, and this fear may incite them to resume a contraceptive attitude. Because that first child was neither expected nor wanted, fertility appears to dominate them. They multiply contraceptive means, and in case of a "mishap" they often sentence the next child to death.
2. If there are obstacles to marriage, the woman may decide to bear the child and to remain alone. The single mother may resent and distrust all men. Sometimes she marries another man. Experience shows that a man who marries a woman with a child is kind-hearted, and the marriage may well be happy.
3. The unexpected pregnancy leads to a decision for abortion. Such a decision is like a heavy weight burdening the couple's relationship. Some women break off their liaison with the man immediately and do not even want to see him anymore. Others continue the relationship for some time, but mostly in an atmosphere of disputes leading to eventual separation. Sometimes the end is an unhappy marriage. The woman cannot forget what happened; she loses all her trust in the man and often remains unbalanced the rest of her life.
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C. The couple marry, but their living conditions do not favor their having a child immediately. In this case, everything depends on their attitude; if they know and accept the natural methods and conform themselves willingly to periodic abstinence, then all is well. The time will come when the will be able to accept a child.
III. The Influence of a Contraceptive Attitude
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A. Sexual intercourse with contraception takes place in the climate of fear of a child - a kind of neurotic reaction. The couple's fear is inappropriate; the child, who is so very tiny at the moment of conception, cannot reasonably be treated as a dangerous enemy.
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B. The woman, who is biologically more involved in parenthood than the man, is also the more paralyzed by this fear and cannot surrender herself entirely during the sexual act. In an ambivalent situation of affection the union does not bring her joy, nor even orgasm, but very often a neurotic reaction of aversion. At first she directs this aversion toward those parts of the man's body from which the "danger" of pregnancy originates. It is very strange that many women show aversion to their husband's genital organs, being unwilling to touch or even look at them.
With time, this aversion extends to sexual relations, as the effect of ambivalence. But since the husband does not want to abandon intercourse. he forces her in complying. Now there is more at stake than aversion to her husband's body and the sexual relationship; the woman begins to hold a grudge against her husband; she doubts his love and treats the marital intimacy as an "inescapable evil" -- which she nevertheless, tries to escape at any cost. Thus begins an open conflict which often ends in divorce.
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C. At first the man is not aware of the crisis that is already beginning. Sometimes he takes his wife to a sexologist to have her treated for frigidity; he does not attribute the problem to his own actions. Sometimes he suspects her of not loving him any longer, or even of having another lover If the woman continues to refuse intercourse, he forces her at first; later he looks for other consolations, such as drink and other women.
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D. The situation goes from bad to worse when a pregnancy occurs despite contraceptive efforts. Abortion often provokes the woman's ill-feeling or even hatred for the man.
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E. Since Very many persons use coitus interruptus, this situation requires a more thorough explanation. At first thought, it may seem that this method would be used only by men who are selfish and primitive, but that is not always true. Men about whom women say, "He is kind; he takes care of me," use this method, too. It appears that they choose it because it gives them the illusion of being responsible for fertility. Moreover, they have the feeling of being in control of the situation and of being its master, and that gives them some satisfaction. At the same time the man is persuaded that be is harming neither his wife nor her fertility. A man often considers this method to be "natural," harmless, morally blameless.
During coitus interruptus the woman is passive, in accordance with her psychical structure. She prefers to leave the whole responsibility to the man. The men's disposition to be responsible and to lay the active role has its merits. But one must explain to them that the proper way to act is not to use coitus interruptus but to choose the proper times for normal sexual relations. The man's task is to observe periodic abstinence as indicated by knowledge of the physiological functions of the woman's organism. The woman should teach him that and explain her intimate self. Then he may take all the responsibility and control the situation. The passive woman may then - just as she desires - give herself in all confidence into the care of the man she loves.
lV. Natural Methods of Family Planning as a Means of Curing Marital Neurosis
When a couple really understand human fertility, contraception becomes unnecessary for them, Since conception is possible only at a given time in each menstrual cycle. Contemporary man can consciously control his fertility; one might say that human fertility has become truly human only today, when it can be placed under the control of his intellect and will. But one must keep in mind the dangers inherent in hedonism, for without making efforts one cannot solve this problem. The man must - in the name of love - adapt himself to the woman's biological rhythm. The woman must give up her easy passivity in order to teach her husband chastity and tenderness. However, it is not the method but the couple's attitude that solves the problem.
There are two tendencies in the contemporary world: one favoring the child, the other opposing him. Sometimes, when parental responsibility requires the limitation of births, periodic abstinence is the only proper course of action. But many people do riot understand the true significance of periodic abstinence; they consider it "too difficult," "against nature," and so forth.
In reality, all couples practice abstinence for various reasons. The man's organism is not always disposed to perform the sexual act; every man has his own rhythm, depending on age, temperament, health, and other conditions. The woman's organism also needs some times of sexual silence. Most couples abandon intercourse during menstruation. Every somatic illness of the partners is an obstacle to intercourse, The child is just another factor that spouses must take into account. Thus, Catholic teaching presents nothing extraordinary, but is simply an orientation toward the child. There is no foundation for the claim that its requirement is too difficult.
Testimonies given by couples show that acceptance of periodic continence does not lead to neurosis, since it does not create ambivalence or fear. The partners are happy and peaceful in their intercourse, and during the phase of abstinence they are attentive to each other and show mutual tenderness. Abstinence does not destroy their harmony but strengthens their spousal and parental love.
When couples with conflicts freely decide to use periodic abstinence, after a while their marital neurosis disappears.
by Wanda Poltawska
M.D. Psychiatrist, Cracow, Poland
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