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An attitude which has become an impediment to considering using natural methods is that intercourse is a must, a necessity like food or air, and therefore must be readily and instantly available. The orgasm has become the modern Baal, the baby the human sacrifice. Unlike food or air which are essential for the preservation of the lives of the individuals, intercourse is essential for the life of another. The act of intercourse is a powerful means of communication between men and women and the Creator in both a positive and a negative sense. It is in the quality of this communication in all its positive aspects that we find the full flowering of the conjugal relationship. It is when the communication lacks love and when the good of the beloved and acceptance of the child cease to be the prime motivation in the act, that we see the most abject misery in marriage and a spoiling of the Divine plan for the happiness of mankind. This misery is born mostly by women but also by men.
Quite the reverse from "going against nature" as some would have it when considering the abstinence involved in natural family planning, in all ways the practice of responsibility conforms most fully with human nature and encourages its full development both for man and woman. It puts the act of love in a proper perspective, elevating it from a self-orientated pleasure to be gratified, to a physical and emotional demonstration of love for a chosen companion. By showing that it is possible to defer intercourse during the fertile phase, when pregnancy is deemed to be inappropriate, each can reassure the other that fidelity is guaranteed. When absence, illness or in any of the many occasions in married life when intercourse is impossible or undesirable between husband and wife, they will know that each is loved and desired wholly, not partially or physically desired only, but with due concern for the sensitive heart of the other.
The waiting from time to time which is part of the routine of natural family planning provides a physiological refreshment and an enhancement of physical responses later on. It ensures the continuation of romance and guards against the boredom of routine availability.
The discipline of waiting shows a husband that he is capable of waiting because of love and good sense, when perhaps he has not been used to waiting and has seen no value or sense in it or even believed that it was possible. He surprises himself and when he is appreciated and invited by his wife after the waiting, it is a revelation to a man who, because of former insistent demands, may have experienced resistance or even rejection by his wife. The complete reversal of attitude towards each other after using this method has been seen many times, and in many cases it is a very happy experience for a teacher to see the restoration of a marriage which has been foundering.
There is usually much more love in a marriage that at first seems evident to a teacher. It needs only encouragement and reassurance to awaken this love and resolve by the husband and wife in order to restore harmony. The husband and wife understand each other best of all and they are their own best counsellors of each other. Of all people in the world a man wants his wife to love him and his wife wants his love more than any other.
Seeking a solution to the problem in an art)ficial method such as sterilization or the Pill will not achieve the same result in this relationship. This supposed solution which is solely directed towards avoiding conception will ask nothing of the woman's husband. She will be required to take the Pill or have a tubal ligation. Immediately a valuable line of communication between them will be broken. Eliminating her fertility will have the effect of making her available always but also resentful. Removing the fear of pregnancy may be a temporary relief, but in time this also compounds the resentment as a woman comes to understand just what she has lost. Similarly vasectomy, if this is the method chosen, very often expresses itself in loss of self-esteem as in an ill-defined way it comes to be realized that their sexual communication is now deficient. If incessant demanding has been the problem, sterilization will not cure this. If rejection due to ignorance has been the problem then careful teaching and reassurance by a natural family planning teacher will enhance individual self-respect by a demonstration of consideration of one for the other.
At the same time natural family planning will solve fertility problems which are very often more imagined than are real. It is surprising how Often it is seen that when a couple learns natural family planning and finds that through their own efforts they can use it to control their fertility their love for the child is engendered and it is not long before they seek a pregnancy. This is sure proof of the success of the method -- a point of view not shared by those who judge all pregnancies as failures, and whose only object is simply to reduce the number of babies.
It is easy to relieve the ignorance surrounding reproductive biology. The rules of the Ovulation Method which apply to the woman's observations are easily understood and learned. It is possible to offer reassurance concerning the effectiveness of the method based as it is on secure scientific proof and world-wide and extensive field trials among people of all societies and races. It is easy to encourage the couple who want to solve their problems in the generous expression of love both by waiting and inviting. Sometimes this, because it is a new idea, takes time and patience, especially for the older couples where fear and ignorance have displaced harmony and acceptance.
Teachers have learned to work on the good. In most relationships, apart from the very young and immature and even then in some cases, true love is operating and there is a real desire to achieve happiness for the other person. No matter how unpromising things look, one is never justified in taking a position of hopelessness. In the case of couples who are unmarried we do not wait until things are perfect, until they are married and fully committed. There is so much to learn and in the process of learning to understand themselves and each other, developing in the process self-esteem and respect, many take good decisions. Sometimes if the relationship is one which merely exploits the other for the sake of physical pleasure, the idea of abstinence is untenable and so the partnership breaks up. That is a desirable outcome because marriage will not sustain a one-sided and selfish attitude. There is no place in such a partnership for a child.
Sometimes the conditions of the method are acceptable and the relationship matures and flourishes so that in time a loving and permanent commitment is made. Whatever the outcome great lessons are learned which may only bear fruit in the future. The method always works for good in a couple's lives -- maybe not instantaneously but certainly enduringly. This is why teachers who are trained in patience as well as technique are invaluable. They enjoy the ultimate success which is so often achieved.
In the use of natural family planning total abstinence is never necessary when a couple lives together. Some temporary conditions necessitate temporary restraint. And the reasons for this are understood. There is seldom any complaint about restrictions amongst normal couples. Abnormalities discovered by the practice of making careful observations are usually readily treated and cured. Being able to recognize an abnormality is an added advantage of making natural observations. In the use of contraception couples Often remain in ignorance of their physiology and so abnormal signs go undetected until later when the condition worsens and treatment becomes more difficult.
When people comment on the use of the method they Often comment on the stability and happiness of their children and how they, the parents, have learned to discipline their children, having learned first to discipline themselves. In societies where sterilization is common, it is a marked observation that children are indulged and undisciplined, partly because parents know that if by misfortune they should lose them they would never have children, and partly because they cannot bring themselves to teach chastity to their children if they have eliminated their own fertility for the sake of sexual freedom. They hesitate to deny their living children anything because in a very real way, they have denied life which a normal reproductive act might have given.
No matter what the religion or race of the couple, the method contravenes no conscience or racial customs because most people have an inherent desire to conform to what is natural and to express their humanity as love since this is in human nature.
Until relatively recent times fertility has been regarded by a race, by tribes, by groups of people as a precious social commodity. It is still precious, but owing to the propaganda of overpopulation, fertility has come to be regarded as a liability for governments and this has been reflected in the lives of the couples themselves. There is, however, in the nature of human beings a natural tendency to preserve fertility. It is a great strength of a natural method of fertility control that it is employed to assist couples by recognizing the time of maximum fertility to achieve a pregnancy especially when this has been denied for some time. The inability to have a child is as great a grief now as it used to be in Biblical times when the survival of the tribe was of paramount importance and barrenness was regarded as a disgrace. That this misery of couples without children has been exploited is one of the pities of modern reproductive medicine. So Often, complicated and expensive procedures have been resorted to and Often without success when the simple instruction of one experienced woman to another provides the essential information which results in a baby being born.
Pregnancy and birth are momentous events in a woman's life no matter what the circumstances surrounding the conception of the child. Instead of seeing the gates of Heaven open at the birth of her baby and experiencing the meeting with the Creator in this moment of joy, an untaught woman may only see the gown and masked obstetrician who has judged that three children are more than enough for her and there he stands, his scalpel in his hand. Or, she may see the vested cleric with the smile of false compassion on his face and hear his judgment, "You have done your bit". He who has removed the Creed from the Liturgy has usurped the role of the Creator of heaven and earth and claims he is motivated by love.
But this is not love. Love never takes the easy way, the broad highway. It more often fights its way upwards along a thorny path. Different from all the other situations where men and women find themselves battling on alone, marriage involves a partnership of two. ln this conjugal relationship are the opportunities for either great strengths and satisfactions or abysmal failure and misery. The sexual relationship, part of which is physical, plays a paramount role. The act of love is designed principally for the expression of unity with the Creator who is infinitely loving and wise. Because man and woman have been endowed with the freedom of choosing to do the Creator's will, they are capable of so choosing this sublime moment of birth.
At the moment of conception, God and new man meet. As the poet Henry Vaughan expresses it so beautifully in his poem: "Ouickness":
"But life is what none can express
A quickness which my God has kissed".
When man and woman acknowledge the Creator in His first meeting with man, and acceptance of His infinite love pervades every marriage unrestricted by perverse will, they can accept the gifts of this Providence -- one of which is new life -- and respond to the trust and privileges given. Then they come to experience the joy of their love for each other and for their children in all its fullness and richness. The natural regulation of fertility which so perfectly fits the gift of human nature comes to be seen not as a burden heavily imposed, not just as a duty joylessly undertaken, but as an act of the will upon which turns not only married happiness but also the strength and security of the whole family. Thus in our affairs of here and now God meets His beloved creatures and shows His love as in Genesis, as in the times of Abraham, of Moses and as in New Testament days when God in the person of His Son walked the earth as the son of a human family. We recall God's own words as He spoke to Abraham, "Is anything too wonderful for Yahweh?".
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