I like my friend's girlfriend.
Q⁄A on Human Sexuality for Teenagers

John Ooi Peng Lee
Master of Engineering, University of Singapore
Master in Education, University of Manchester
Reproduced with permission.

Dating and Going Steady

Question 19:

I am interested in the girlfriend of my best friend. They have been together for two months now. What should I do? We are all in the same school.

Answer 19:

Your best friend and the girl you are interested in have not made any promises to each other that are binding, since they are not married. In other words, each of them is free to develop close relationships with anybody else as she (or he) chooses. Strictly speaking, it is open competition, you are free to make your move, and may the best man win! You have a choice - to try to develop a special relationship with the girl or to remain friends at a distance. The girl has a choice - she may prefer your friendship or she may choose her present boyfriend. Your best friend has a choice - he may take it in the spirit of friendly competition or he may get upset and cut off his friendship with you. A mature person makes his choices and then lives with the consequences of those decisions without regret. As a teenager learning about life, you too have to learn to make wise choices.

It would however be good to think about what you want from your relationships with others, and why. At your age, wouldn't it be better to be able to mix around freely and to develop friendships with many other boys and girls? Why tie yourself down so early? You can give that girl the chance to know you as a person and friend even as she gets to know your best friend. In other words, you can be a friend of hers without trying to be exclusive, so that she does not face a choose-me-or-him situation.