She doesn't want to see me anymore.
Q⁄A on Human Sexuality for Teenagers

John Ooi Peng Lee
Master of Engineering, University of Singapore
Master in Education, University of Manchester
Reproduced with permission.

Dating and Going Steady

Question 20:

A month ago she told me that our year-long relationship was over, and that she was definite about not seeing me any more. Life seems so meaningless now without her. I've been trying to contact her, but she refuses to answer my calls.

Answer 20:

It is a terrible feeling to suffer a broken relationship. The usual advice given to a person in your situation would be to accept the break-up of your relationship, and to get on with life by getting active and involved with other persons. By taking your mind off her, you can let time heal your hurts. Such advice would not be wrong.

However, let's go a step further and ask why you feel so terrible. Often, it is because how you feel about yourself depended on what she thought of you and felt about you. When she broke off, you suddenly lost that good feeling about yourself and your sense of self-worth. While it is true that we all need love and that it is good to know that someone cares for us, you should realise that your goodness and worth does not depend on what others think of you. If you know and believe that you are a good and wonderful person (and you are!), it will be easier for you to recover from your situation.

Accepting what has happened and channelling your attention to other interests will take effort. However, your plight can be an opportunity for personal growth. It can be a time to develop your self-esteem (see Q 1.5) and to discover hidden strengths. By asking why your relationship failed and how you contributed to it, you can learn new things about yourself and overcome your faults. You can become an even better person.